ABITHAD – Another Blithering Idiot – Thinks He’s A Doctor.
AMYOYO Syndrome – Alright, Motherfu**er, You’re On Your Own
ADR – Ain’t Doin’ Right.
AGMI – Ain’t Gonna Make It
ART – Assuming Room Temperature (recently deceased).
ATS – Acute Thespian Syndrome (the patient is faking illness)
ATSWWT – Always Thinks Something’s Wrong With Them.
CBT – Chronic Biscuit Toxicity for fat patients.
CNS-QNS – Central Nervous System – Quantity Not Sufficient.
CTD – “Circling The Drain”. May also mean “Certain To Die”
CTF – Cletus the Fetus.
DAAD – Dead As A Doornail.
DBI – Dirt Bag Index – multiply the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.
DIC – Death Is Coming, Death In Cage – used by veterinarians describing the complications of Disseminated intravascular coagulation.
DRT – Dead Right There.
EFT – Eleventh Floor Transfer (in a 10 floor hospital; refers to patient who is very close to death)
ETK(T)M – Every Test Known To Man.
Faecal Encephalopathy – Shit-for-Brains
FDGB – Fall Down Go Boom.
FFFF – Female, Fat, Forty and Flatulent.
FF or FFY – Frequent Flyer – A patient who returns to a medical provider for everything.
FLD – Funny Looking Dad.
FLK – Funny Looking Kid.
FOS – Full Of … Stool.
FTD – Fixing To Die.
FTF – Failure To Fly.
FLGD – Familial lack of Genetic Diversity.
FTW – Friggin Train Wreck (patient with multiple problems).
GOK – God Only Knows.
GFPO – Good For Parts Only.
GGTG – Gomers Go To Ground (they fall out of bed or gurneys).
GLM – Good Looking Mum.
GOMER – Get Out of My Emergency Room.
GPO – “Good for Parts Only”
GTO – Gomer Tip Over.
HP – Hispanic Panic, used to describe a Hispanic patient who believes their condition is worse than it actually is. This is generally a result of the perceived over-dramatic and theatrical nature of many Hispanic cultures.
LGFD – Looks good from door.
LOBNH – Lights On But Nobody Home
LOLINAD – Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress.
LOLTWO – Little Old Lady Totally Whacked Out.
MFC – Measure For Coffin.
M & Ms – mortality and morbidity conferences where doctors and other health-care professionals discuss mistakes and patient deaths
NAD – Not Actually Done
NFS – Normal For Swindon.
O2T – Oxygen Thief.
ODD&DDR – Out ‘De Door and Down ‘De Road.
PAFO or PFO – Pissed And Fell Over
PBBB – Pine Box By Bedside.
PGT – Pissed and Got Thumped
PIP – Pyjama Induced Paralysis.
PITA – Pain In The A**.
PRATFO – Patient Reassured And Told to F**k Off.
PJAR – Person Just Ain’t Right.
PPP – Piss Poor Protoplasm – a patient endowed with inferior/defective genetic material
SALT – Same As Last Time.
SBI – Something Bad Inside
SNEFS – Sub-Normal Even For Suffolk.
SWAG – Scientific, wild-A** Guess.
TBW – Tossed By Wave.
TEETH – Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy.
TEON – Two Eyes One Nose.
TMB – Too Many Birthdays.
TOBAS – Take Out Back And Shoot.
TTGA – Told To Go Away.
TTR – Tea Time Review
TUBE – Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.
UBI – “Unexplained Beer Injury”
UDI – “Unexplainable Drinking Injury”
WDWNF – Well Developed Well Nourished Female.
WNL – Used for recording vital signs. It can mean “within normal limits” or “we never looked”.
WTDB (Pronounced “whiskey tango DB”) – White Trash Douchebag
6PFP – 6-pack and a fishing pole, as in “this patient doesn’t need chemo, he needs 6PFP.” – Usually referring to an end-stage patient who should go die somewhere else.