Funny Medical Abbreviations For Doctors

  • ABITHAD – Another Blithering Idiot – Thinks He’s A Doctor.
  • AMYOYO Syndrome Alright, Motherfu**er, You’re On Your Own
  • ADR – Ain’t Doin’ Right.
  • AGMI – Ain’t Gonna Make It
  • ART – Assuming Room Temperature (recently deceased).
  • ATS – Acute Thespian Syndrome (the patient is faking illness)
  • ATSWWT – Always Thinks Something’s Wrong With Them.
  • CBT – Chronic Biscuit Toxicity for fat patients.
  • CNS-QNS – Central Nervous System – Quantity Not Sufficient.
  • CTD – “Circling The Drain”. May also mean “Certain To Die”
  • CTF – Cletus the Fetus.
  • DAAD – Dead As A Doornail.
  • DBI – Dirt Bag Index – multiply the number of tattoos by the number of missing teeth to give an estimate of the number of days since the patient last bathed.
  • DIC – Death Is Coming, Death In Cage – used by veterinarians describing the complications of Disseminated intravascular coagulation.
  • DRT – Dead Right There.
  • EFT – Eleventh Floor Transfer (in a 10 floor hospital; refers to patient who is very close to death)
  • ETK(T)M – Every Test Known To Man.
  • Faecal Encephalopathy – Shit-for-Brains
  • FDGB – Fall Down Go Boom.
  • FFFF – Female, Fat, Forty and Flatulent.
  • FF or FFY – Frequent Flyer – A patient who returns to a medical provider for everything.
  • FLD – Funny Looking Dad.
  • FLK – Funny Looking Kid.
  • FOS – Full Of … Stool.
  • FTD – Fixing To Die.
  • FTF – Failure To Fly.
  • FLGD – Familial lack of Genetic Diversity.
  • FTW – Friggin Train Wreck (patient with multiple problems).
  • GOK – God Only Knows.
  • GFPO – Good For Parts Only.
  • GGTG – Gomers Go To Ground (they fall out of bed or gurneys).
  • GLM – Good Looking Mum.
  • GOMER – Get Out of My Emergency Room.
  • GPO – “Good for Parts Only”
  • GTO – Gomer Tip Over.
  • HP – Hispanic Panic, used to describe a Hispanic patient who believes their condition is worse than it actually is. This is generally a result of the perceived over-dramatic and theatrical nature of many Hispanic cultures.
  • LGFD – Looks good from door.
  • LOBNH – Lights On But Nobody Home
  • LOLINAD – Little Old Lady In No Acute Distress.
  • LOLTWO – Little Old Lady Totally Whacked Out.
  • MFC – Measure For Coffin.
  • M & Ms – mortality and morbidity conferences where doctors and other health-care professionals discuss mistakes and patient deaths
  • NAD – Not Actually Done
  • NFS – Normal For Swindon.
  • O2T – Oxygen Thief.
  • ODD&DDR – Out ‘De Door and Down ‘De Road.
  • PAFO or PFO – Pissed And Fell Over
  • PBBB – Pine Box By Bedside.
  • PGT – Pissed and Got Thumped
  • PIP – Pyjama Induced Paralysis.
  • PITA – Pain In The A**.
  • PRATFO – Patient Reassured And Told to F**k Off.
  • PJAR – Person Just Ain’t Right.
  • PPP – Piss Poor Protoplasm – a patient endowed with inferior/defective genetic material
  • SALT – Same As Last Time.
  • SBI – Something Bad Inside
  • SNEFS – Sub-Normal Even For Suffolk.
  • SWAG – Scientific, wild-A** Guess.
  • TBW – Tossed By Wave.
  • TEETH – Tried Everything Else; Try Homeopathy.
  • TEON – Two Eyes One Nose.
  • TMB – Too Many Birthdays.
  • TOBAS – Take Out Back And Shoot.
  • TTGA – Told To Go Away.
  • TTR – Tea Time Review
  • TUBE – Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.
  • UBI – “Unexplained Beer Injury”
  • UDI – “Unexplainable Drinking Injury”
  • WDWNF – Well Developed Well Nourished Female.
  • WNL – Used for recording vital signs. It can mean “within normal limits” or “we never looked”.
  • WTDB (Pronounced “whiskey tango DB”) – White Trash Douchebag
  • 6PFP – 6-pack and a fishing pole, as in “this patient doesn’t need chemo, he needs 6PFP.” – Usually referring to an end-stage patient who should go die somewhere else.

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Posted on January 17, 2012, in Funny Medical Abbreviations and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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