Pathology’s top ten one liners…& what they really mean!!!
1) Enucleated specimen of right eye, inadequate for opinion: Excise the left eye, too.
2) Small round cell tumour, advised immunohistochemistry for a definite diagnosis: I don’t know what the hell it is.
3) Compatible with lichen planus: Doesn’t look like it. But if you insist, I don’t resist.
4) Florid reactive hyperplasia, lymph node; advised close clinical follow up: Boss, wait till it turns into a full blown lymphoma, then I’ll type it.
5) Borderline serous cystadenoma, ovary, with focal microinvasion: Phew, this’ll save my skin, if the patient throws a met 10 years later!
6) Early ill formed epithelioid granulomas with occasional acid fast bacilli: I have an excellent imagination!
7) Special stains for fungi, bacteria and parasites are not contributory: I didn’t look hard enough.
8) Metastatic poorly differentiated neoplasm, cerebellum, with possibilities of carcinoma, sarcoma, melanoma, lymphoma . . .: Looking for the primary is your job; anyway, how does it matter now?
9) Appendix showing lymphoid hyperplasia: You knocked off a perfectly normal one.
10) Poorly preserved biopsies from multiple sites, unsuitable for definite opinion: Only a necropsy can solve the issue!