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Source: “DISSECTION Photographs of a Rite of Passage in American Medicine 1880–1930″ by John Harley Warner and James M. Edmonson- Blast Books, 2009
First-year students in an Medical School were receiving a lecture from a Genius Professor.
This was their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them,”In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor :
The first is that you are not disgusted by anything involving the human body.”
For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.”Go ahead and do the same thing,” He told his students…
The students hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them,
“The second most important quality is OBSERVATION…..
I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger… Now learn to pay attention!!!”
D=Dictated; T=Transcribed
D: Distant breath sounds
T: Distant breast sounds
[dhadam-dhudum-dhadam-dhudum....]
D: issues that need to be discussed
T: issues that made to be disgust
[DISGUSTING TRANSCRIPTION]
D: Strong scents such as perfumes, scented candles,
T: Strong sense such as perfumes, scented candles,
(NON)SENSE ?!!
D: and left the operating room in stable condition.
T: and let the operating room in stable condition.
[THE STABLE OPERATING ROOM]
D: using a beta blocker for rate control
T: using a beta blocker for weight control
[A WEIGHT CONSCIOUS MT !]
D: On review of systems today, they brought up multiple issues
T: On review of systems today, they BOUGHT up multiple issues
[THE ISSUES THAT WERE "BOUGHT"]
D: patient had large expulsive bowel movements
T: patient had large explosive bowel movements
[Oh My Gawd ! !]
D: She has five sisters, one of whom is deceased
T: She has five sisters, one of whom is deceived
D: Does have a history of one abnormal Pap smear in the past
T: Does have a history of one abdominal Pap smear in the past
D: colostomy with an apparent parastomal hernia
T: colostomy with an apparent parasternal hernia
[colostomy with paraSTERNAL hernia ? ? !]
D: As I mentioned previously, we need to obtain a barium contrast study
T: As imagined previously, we need to obtain a barium contrast study
[IMAGINED ? The word IMAGINED in a medical report ? ? ?]
D: testes are descended
T: testes are distended
[DISTENDED TESTES !]
D: Does not describe dermatic periorbital edema.
T: Does not describe dramatic orbital edema.
D: … recurrent or persistent pelvic disease
T: … recurrent ecosystem pelvic disease
[ECOSYSTEM ?!]
D: Energy level is also fair. Due to a fracture of his foot, he is walking with a walking boot.
T: Energy level is also fair due to a fracture of his foot. He is walking with a walking boot.
D: No…, muscle aches and pain, or breast enlargement
T: No…, muscle aches and pain with breast enlargements
PHYSICAL EXAM SECTION: A case of transparent neck:
D: Thyroid was explored digitally
T: Thyroid was explored visually
CARELESS BLOOPER:
D: diabetes insipidus
T: diabetes inspidious
D: In clinic today, Bob is a 6-foot-2-1/2-inch kyphosed 63-year-old male
T: In clinic today, Bob is fixed with 2.5-inch kyphosed, a 63-year-old male
D: Actually, her weight was increased from 79.29 kg last time we saw her last year to 82.4 kg today.
T: Actually, her weight was increased from 79.29 kg last time we saw her last year at 282.4 kg today.
[SUPER-DUPER WEIGHT RISE]
TYPING BLOOPER:
D: Patient is encouraged to stay hydrated
T: Patient is encouraged to dehydrate
D: Significant for …blah, blah, ….and gallbladder and appendectomy.
T: Significant for …blah, blah, ….and gallbladder appendectomy.
[GALLBLADDER APPENDECTOMY ?]
D: equivocal Babinski’s
T: clavicular Brudzinski’s
[Brudzinski is related to legs/knees/hips; Babinski is related to toes; CLAVICULAR BRUDZINSKI ? ? ? ?]
D: An ……and dementia, on PEG tube.
T: An ……and dementia on PEG tube.
D: Abdomen: Soft, lax, no organomegaly, on PEG tube. Patient has bedsores in his buttock.
T: Abdomen: Soft, lax, no organomegaly. On PEG tube, patient has bedsores in his buttock.
D: He is currently sexually active with his wife and notes some decrease in the HARDNESS of his erections.
T: He is currently sexually active with his wife and notes some decrease in the HOTNESS of his erections.
D: On exam, she in was stable condition with no problems. Clinically was stable.
T: On exam, she in was stable condition with no problems. Kinetically was stable.
[Kinetically STABLE ? ?]
D: The operation was done in the Cardiac OR with the cardiac anesthetist around.
T: The operation was done in the Cardiac OR with the cardiac end status around.
D: so he was also referred to the ENT for repeat audiometry and possible adjustment of parameters of the hearing aid.
T: so he was …….healing atrium.
[REFERRAL TO ENT FOR HEALING ATRIUM ? How the hell can ATRIUM come in EAR?]
D: no history of GTN or pregnancy induced hypertension
T: no history of GTN or pregnancy due to hypertension
[PREGNANCY BECAUSE OF HYPERTENSION ?! HA HA HA !!]
D: the patient’s cesarean section was done in the main OR
T: the patient’s cesarean section was done in the manual hour
In physical exam section:
D: Positive pulmonary erythema
T: Positive palmar erythema
[Pulmonary ERYTHEMA ??? In physical exam section ???]
D: She was knocked by a car and brought to ER unconscious.
T: She was mocked by a car and brought to ER unconscious.
[THE MOCKING CAR]
D: Phallus is enlarged
T: Phallus HAS EMERGED
[CHAMATKAAAAAR]
D: He states that the chest discomfort CEASED approximately one week ago, but the GASPING and dizziness continued.
T: He states that the chest discomfort SEIZED approximately one week ago, but the GAS PAIN and dizziness continued.
D: In light of the patient’s pain as well as her irregular bleeding, it is recommended that she begin
T: Plan is the patient’s pain as well as her irregular bleeding is recommended that she began
GROSS CARELESS MEDICAL ERROR BLOOPER:
D: advanced renal failure due to Wegener’s vasculitis
T: advanced renal failure due to Wagner’s vasculitis
[Wagner's relates to hyaloideoretinal degeneration(eye)
Wegener's relates to glomerulonephritis (kidney)]
D: He was involved in a motor vehicle accident recently in which he STRUCK his right ear
T: He was involved in a motor vehicle accident recently in which he STUCK his right ear
Dictation goes: “Letter goes to Dr. Scott Miller, who is in DeForest…”
T: …..Dr. Scott Miller, who is in the forest.
D: Past medical history is significant for compartment syndrome in the bilateral lower extremities, status post release.
T: Past medical history is significant for compartment syndrome and a bilateral lower extremities, status post relief.
D: She is going to continue with medical management in hopes of avoiding any surgical intervention
T: She is going to continue with medical management in hopes of AFFORDING any surgical intervention
[EH ??]
D: Mr. Nash lives in Madison and works at the university library
T: ……and works at a University of Library
D: He has no hypesthesia over the right bilateral brachioradialis muscles
T: He has no typeshesia over the right bilateral brachioradialis muscles
D: . . . with his ex-wife.
T: . . . with his x-wife.
D: Frequent runny, red, and irritated eyes
T: Frequent runny, red, and irrigated eyes
D: Today, she is eating liquids without much difficulty. She does not eat much solids.
T: Today, she is eating liquids without much difficulty. She does not eat much salads.
D: moderate nuclear sclerotic limbus change
T: moderate nucleus, chronic limbus change in both eyes
D: outcome was a baby weighing 4.010 kg
T: outcome was a baby weighing 4010 kg
MOTHER OF ALL REDUNDANCIES:
D: underwent open septorhinoplasty
T: underwent operative rhinoplasty
D: nose with loss of tip rotation and projection
T: nose with loss of occasional projection
[the occasionally projecting nose]
D: Chest x-ray: Lower left lobe infiltrate. Increased interstitial marking, left lower lung.
T: Chest x-ray: Lower ………marking, left lower LEG.
D: Previous cesarean section, in active labor
T: Previous cesarean section, inactive labor
D: He was also diagnosed to have osteopenia of prematurity based on laboratory and x-ray findings.
T: He was also …..and x-ray of hand
D: on the left side of the abdomen
T: on the breast side of the abdomen
A CHANGE IN HUMAN ANATOMY:
D: Tongue shows some hypertrophy of the papilla
T: Tongue shows some hypertrophy of the patella
D: edematous mucosa consistent of ulcerative colitis that was involved beyond 50 cm from the ANAL verge
T: edematous………..INNER verge
D: On examination, her throat really looks quite benign on inspection
T: On examination, her throat really looks quite benign infection
D: right carotid endarterectomy
T: right carotid enterectomy
D: rapid strep
T: rabbit strep
D: PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: As described above.
T: PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: As prescribed above.
D: Cardiovascular: First and second heart sounds, no added sound
T: Cardiovascular: ….., no added chest.
D: Mucosa is very moist
T: Mucus is very moist
T[D]: had 800 cc of urine in her bag [BACK]
T[D]: chest x-ray does not show any fracture or dislocation of the wrist [RIBS]
T[D]: The patient is a 39-year-old female who states she was walking down the hallway when she tripped, landed on a glass frame that broke, cutting her face in multiple faces [places]
T[D]: He did have evidence of some probable arthritis with some limited range of motion of his hands and seat [feet]
ACTUAL DICTATION: “The patient expired and WENT to the morgue.” [vikram aur vetaal]
T[D]: Original temperature was 202.4 [102.4]
